With significant changes coming to my personal life and family. I felt the need to let go of my past. With my journey to grow as both an author and advocate for cerebral Palsy as CP Gal, I have also decided to let go of my former pen name, Alexandra Forry and changing it to Amanda Fino. I’ve started an Official Newsletter of the author Amanda Fino; CPGal Reader Nest, that comes out on the 4th of each month, with book news, a Badge of Courage small article saluting Cerebral Palsy and other disability warriors. I’m finishing up writing my newest book telling her inner depth of emotion being a woman that has CP with a unique outlook on life. Cerebral Palsy Gal has been a work in progress; I haven't found the exact words until now. It shall be coming out this year, with Deepest Elements a Novelette as a BONUS!
On July 20, 2013, it was an extraordinary day because I published my debut book, Omerta Affair. A romance set in the violent underworld of the Las Vegas Mafia. Remembering that day, I was jumping with overjoy, tears of joy. It was a super fabulous, wonderful feeling, "I really did, I'm a published indie author." Fast forward six years later, it's time for me celebrating my book once more as it releases under a new title. Omerta: Timeless Endings from Lavender Press An imprint of Blue Fortune Enterprises, LLC on August 27, 2019
It's all began on my 22 birthday. I went to the newly open Mob Museum in Las Vegas Nevada. To my shock, Frank Cuttolla was there signing his book. I met him and told him that I want to be a Mafia-Romance, and he said to me that if I need help, just let him know. I said okay thinking he has better things to do than helping me a young CP girl at the time. I found him on Facebook weeks later, and we began to talk, he always inviting me to this and that. I base my first book "Omerta Affair" off on Tony Spilotro's reign as The Las Vegas Mafia boss, in the 1970s. He had it all, running the Crime underworld. He could have any woman he wanted in Las Vegas. Instead, he became romantically Geri Rosenthal. At first, it was a Casino's FanFic to the 1995 move, that I was witting and putting online for free. My family and friend told me it was way too good to be a FanFic. After I finished my book, Frank hooked me up with some people and that how my book came to be. Now he's Uncle Frank to me.
Since then, I have continued to gravitate toward writing dark, mature romances, some suitable only for adults. It is frustrating to me that some authors don't take me seriously because of that I have Cerebral Palsy. I write dark romance, and my Cerebral Palsy had nothing with it. Even if I didn't have Cerebral Palsy, I would still write Dark Romance books. On November 17, 2018, after years of writer's block and personal problems, I finally came out with the Deepest Element, which is a short story under my formal pen name Alexandra Forry. Now I'm rewriting Deepest Elements to be a full-flash novel tiled Blue Bell my goal for it to come out late 2020.
Blue Bell set at a very elite boarding school that has darkened within its wall. Arriving in Radcliffe Heights, Rhode Island, freshman Peony "Poppy" Warwick admired the picturesque small town. But deep in the shadows of the woods near Blue Bell Boarding School, and along its hallowed halls, lurked illicit sex, murder, and harrowing danger. Seduced by Damon Dashwood, the handsome, blue-eyed, white blonde 41-year-old Headmaster, Poppy enters a world of love, ecstasy, heartbreak, betrayal, and death.
How Did I get my idea for Blue Bell? In 2005 I was living in Pahrump, Nevada, that's world-famous for its whorehouse of ill representatives. When breaking news hit our town's newspaper, and then it went on to become a remarkable news story on cbsnews.com.
The story went like this. This guy went and told detectives he found the videotape of a young of 4 or 5 years of age girl who had sexually assaulted in this homemade videotape. Investigators don't think this guy made the tape.
Being homeschooled with nothing to do, I followed this story until I read this five years later; "We found the victim. She's safe," Nye County sheriff's Detective told The Associated Press. I was fifteen at the time. I had made up this story idea.
About a girl in a boarding school that is determined to expose her school's evil headmaster. After she had discovered a prostitution ring, sex trafficking, and murder within the school's walls and on its grounds, even though human trafficking is a foul, very dark subject, the morale of this book is "fight for what you believe in, for what's right" and "never give up." I never wrote it down until December of 2017.
"It is an interesting story that is generally well told. The basic premise is sound, and it has the potential to be a well-received psychological thriller. The two main (Poppy and Dashwood) are well constructed and carry the story well. The plot and storyline are clear. The reader can see from the mission that Poppy is on; Exposing the criminality of her headmaster Dashwood and the school in the sex scandal that had been going on for years." A review of DEEPEST ELEMENTS.
I never did plan of having my two main characters, Poppy and Dashwood, falling in love with each other. I like to point out that, It a time of great confusion for girls as they start to get sexual desires. There is an element of excitement and danger with an older man with power. Poppy knew that Dashwood is a criminal, and their relationship is illegal. LOVE is stronger than HATE, that why I shall make it she want him in jail party because oddly she would have him all to herself. It's love everlasting.
I went to Homegoods with my friend, and now I haven’t step foot in my Homegoods story here in Williamsburg before today. All the bad memories of spending hours upon hours in Homegoods connecting T.J. Maxx, watching my mother dearest buying out the store and piling up my cart with things that I needed to buy. With my own money that I cannot afford. I was very unconformable and broke out in sweat looking around the story with my friend, yet it was the first time in a Homegoods since early 2016. My friend didn’t find what she was looking for, so we were in and out.
When I called my grandma, telling her what happens. She told me that she had the same feeling when she went. It made my grandma sick just thinking about her daughter did to us. We can’t step in a Homegoods without triggering our PDTD. I want to cry for what my mom had put my grandma and me through.
The next day I read a newsbreak that says that; “Milwaukee Mother Tied Up Son With Autism And Set Him On Fire.” It’s not the first time that I read something sinful like this happen. Years back, in 2015, I learned that they found a Philadelphia man who was 21 with Cerebral Palsy in the woods. “About 100 yards off the roadway here, laying in leaves. He's got a blanket over him and a Bible on his chest. He has a wheelchair about 10 feet from his body."
I just hate this! 🤬🤬🤬 I want to cry and wonder why? Did my biological mother, Linda Conant try this to do this to me? Sadly yes. That summer of 1999, One morning, my mom came in on me, taking a bath and almost killed me in the bathwater after she beat me by washing my hair. It was a terrible memory of my mother’s outrage. At first, I was dumbfounded for her being mad at me. I made a mistake using the last of her bath salt. I was sorry and gave her no lip. When she told me to wash to the shampoo out of my hair, she held my body underwater with her hands pushing down drowning me. Then I was too scared, too young to realize what the hell was going on. I was lucky that she stopped and acted as nothing happened. Later on that day, she confessed that she was the worst mother ever as she apologized to me. Mom made me swear not to tell a soul, not even my dad. I pushed it far, far, far now in my mind to forget it. All because I spilled her bath salts by mistake? Why what up with that? Just bath salt that one can buy for one dollar at Dollar Tree.
I never told a soul until 2014 long after my dad had passed away. I don't hide things about what had happened to me NOT ANYMORE!!! I speak out against child abuse and rape as a survivor. I speak out now from domestic violence not as a victim but as a survivor. I BLESS GOD EACH DAY TO BE ALIVE!!
Remember back to my childhood, I really thought I was alone in the world that was filled with Down Syndrome and Autism kids. I had met some kids who had CP like me. However, they couldn’t speak or walk sitting in their wheelchairs. To this day, I get tears my eyes just thinking about them. Yet, when I was three, a doctor told my family that I would lifeless in a wheelchair, Let’s say that I overcoming improbability. It wasn’t until I was in six grade that I met another likewise boy with CP.
I was watching TV a few weeks ago, when a long inform commercial came on telling about this new hair re-grower, and it made me kind-off mad that we are using a lot of money to regrow our hair loss instead using this money for the greater good, for research and development analyst, finding a cure for CP. Sometimes I feel like the world forgets about us, disabilities people.
As CP Gal, my lifelong passion burning in my soul is to help to make lives better for people, yet I’m taking baby steps. On July 10, I’m starting the #cpempowerment moment. Telling a different and incredible story of a person living with Cerebral Palsy every Wednesday on my own Blog and my Facebook Group CP Gal Reader Nest.
One could write about their life, living with CP, or do an interview. One can even take over my group for a day to post whatever you feel like. I want to encourage all the parents with CP children to join as well. One would never know where #cpempowerment will lead to, and that’s the pure beauty of it.
On my 21st birthday, my birth dad, Big Daddy, was dying from cancer, we all knew that his day was number… One of my gifts was a dress that my dad's handpicked out for me, he had made me promise him that I must save this dress for something extraordinary and not for his funeral. A year and haft later, the first Mob-Con cocktail party took at the Mob Experience at the Tropicana was coming up. It was a perfect occasion to wear the dress. While there I met a man by the name, Ronald Fino, who later on give me a home when I need it. Now, I am proud to say that he’s my Dad, getting ready to adopt me as his own daughter, Amanda Fino. To me, my Dad did have a hand helping me beating my demos. Dad helped me embrace my cerebral palsy. He had sat me down, one day, to really explain what my cerebral palsy was and encourage me to be who I am and what I am today. To me wearing that dress, as my Big Daddy told me, was some kind of sign because I’ve met the man that God gave me as a Dad for taking my real dad to heaven too soon.
My TWO dad has been my greatest strength in my life. Happy Father's Day to both of my Dads! You guy's made me the woman that I am today! Like in the song by Will Smith ‘Just the Two of Us’ being with this dear and a beloved statement from Smith's son, Trey. Before the song starts, Trey says, "Now, dad, this is a very sensitive subject."
I recall my adopted father, Ronald Fino telling me in one of our deep conversations that took place in our living room, one night while a movie was playing in the background. My dad is the love of life, pushing me to the max, trying to be a better person than I once had been in 2016. I had a disagreement with my mother, that leads me homeless with nowhere to go but to a women’s shelter.
Other of my family members did not respond, and I reached out to him as my last hope before I became a ward of the state. When Ronald heard of my dilemma, he offered me a place in his home in Williamsburg, Virginia, with his wife, Alla, and their son, Daniil. I immediately flew out to them.
This family's love, interest, and understanding gave me a whole new outlook on life, and the encouragement to continue writing and to become involved in the Cerebral Palsy community. I am, in essence, their adopted daughter. Ronald's career was in the Intelligence community, and law enforcement and his family have a substantial commitment to fairness and justice for all. In Ronald, whom I consider my Dad, and Alla, whom I think my Mom, I discovered how fulfilling life with Cerebral Palsy could be with the right family, activities, and unconditional love. Had there been the proper advocacy, protective laws, and services from the beginning, I would not have suffered abuse and neglect in my youth. I can tell you anything, and everything about the 1,000 tail’s with so many details due to my long-term memory. People always said that “I have a memory of an elephant.” I can recall an event and dates playing it in my head like it just happens the other week ago. Sometimes it a blessing and sometimes it's cured. I feel like there are tons of books on bookshelves, internet blog’s, and YouTube videos, stories that one read in a Facebook group, Hollywood movies on the subject on Cerebral Palsy. I was born with CP, so it did not affect me like a war hero losing his legs or his eyesight, though in my formative years spaned in hatred and dysfunction in our home… I was isolated in my youth by homeschooling and the bitterness of a mother that I tried to love but as always rejected/ Was it my handicap? Another reason that I am not aware of. Putting it simply, I was a rejected child. Today, I hold no bitterness or animosity against her, but it still hurts. Fortunately, with my limited capability, I earned a high school diploma with honors.
Everyone pictures people with CP or with another disabled adult as being innocent and vulnerable. They treat us, disabled adults like children. I think my story could help open people’s eyes. Having a disability does not make someone less of an adult, innocent, or unaware. I have the sexual wants and desires of a woman desiring a companion. It’s hard, hurtful and has become a thick cloud of lust, of wanting but not having.
My biological mother turned from a loving mother to someone who hated me while I grew up. This feeling locked me up through my teen years. She manipulated my thinking, such as making me unfriend Jessica, my beloved life-long best friend, and family that she had brainwashed me to hate and such. I’ve survived three murder attempts by her hand. She made me feel like an animal/monster that needed to be locked up, and she tried to get me locked me up in a mental asylum or a group home for disabled people to forget about me — acting like I was never her daughter. Sadly, to say, I don’t believe our paths will cross again. I have my own life, and she has her own life that’s isn’t web together. There is so much worse than my mom had done to me after my dad passed on that I won’t write here. I recall that night when she admitted: “I have hated you since the day I found out that you have CP.” Since that night, I lost something dear to my heart. My undying-daughterly love for her, knowing that she’ll never come to love me as me.
My biological father had this golden heart, a warn huge great smile and such a pleasant personality. I hold no antagonism against my father. Now that I’m older, I see that my dad was under her thumb and gas lit when it comes right down to it by my mom. He tried hard to please my mom with shopping money, gifts, yard work, doing what she said or wanted, even if he had to turn away from his mom, brother, and his three sisters for good. At times I never understood, but now as I type, he was like myself, brainwashed by Mom. Everyone tells me that I am just like him, carrying on his happy-go-lucky attitude.
My little sister, Hanna, who was one year and a few months younger than myself, was the "golden child” in my parents’ eyes. Hanna was on the golf team and the town's leading acting group, she was always making headlines in the town's newspaper as a teen and went to high school, unlike me. She was a star, bring home golf state titles with her golf team. She had always got the starring roles in plays, yet when Hanna was home, she used me as her punching bag, sometimes I was at fault for the fight— being the mess-up daughter of my parents — having fits of anger out in public when someone treats me like a baby.
Hanna dropped out of high school because she never did her schoolwork and went and got a GED. My parents acted like that having a GED was even better than a high school diploma. I was so lonely, I had no friends at that age, and I always had dreamt about going to high school since I was little. I wanted to experience high school life and all its milestones.
All my life to this very day, I have a unique, rare bond with my grandma, who is my mom’s mother. I called her my Gragwa. She was more like a mother to me, my dear best friend, since my mother dropped me off at her house each day. Gragwa raised me to be the woman that I am today; she taught me everything. She was always there for me, helping and encouraging me never to give up and keep carrying on. Memories of her taking me for ice cream with the top down on her convertible as a little girl to our wonderful getaway, Cesare’s Palace. Gragwa always said this, “Amanda, you were meant to live an extra extraordinary life.” to me since I could remember. My mom hated the fact that I was closer to Gragwa than her. She tried to put us against each other with mind games. It never worked, I’ve always picked grandma over her. Then the Nightmare of Scarlett had happened, My parent’s mom’s dear friend Nancy. She had a sister named Scarlett that was in her 70s. Scarlett has a grown and married daughter with a significant handicap; born with no arms or legs, making her wheelchair bound. My mom and Nancy thought that Scarlett and I would become good friends. My mom let Scarlett take me out to the movies, lunches, and such. I only had a “sleepover” once at her house. Turns out that night was the worst night of my life because she did some unspeakable things to me just after I turned 18. Did I tell my parents what she did to me? No, because they need Nancy at work, someone they must trust working for them. Yes, I hid it.
Years later, I went to see Scott, a counselor, who told me that Scarlett raped me when I told him about it in our first of many sessions. (I’ve changed his name to protect his privacy) Years later, Scott and I fell in love and started a love affair that was doomed from the start, because Scott was engaged, as well as being 32 years older than me. We had done sexual things, yet I never hold Scott until I fell him in my body.
We both wanted to make love to each other and had plans to. However, Scott got cold feet at the last minute and got married. I was so madly and deeply in love with him that I tried to take my own life. I am coping with the fact that Scott and I never had sex, and it’s painful. Having people yell at me that he raped me when they were not there in my shoes. “Did he?” I still have ambiguous about it.
My very first kiss was from a man that was well over 65, and it makes me disgusted at the very thought of it. Larry was my next-door neighbor back home. I was hanging out with Ray, fixing a computer when he asked me to make love with him, saying that he was the only man that would want to have sex with me. He eggs me on into kissing him. From then on, I was hell-bent on having sex. I even got a sex surrogate but backed out because I still not over Scott. I ended up having sex with a guy, and it was a very quickly one-night stand.
I've discovered my talent for writing at a young age. As a result, I've published six books by myself. Yet this year 2019, this past April they have picked up my first book, TIMELESS OMERTA that used to be called OMERTA AFFAIR. I’m finishing up writing my newest book telling my inner depth of emotion being a woman that has CP with a unique outlook on life. Cerebral Palsy Gal has been a work in progress; I haven't found the exact words until now. It shall be coming out sooner than later.
I'm beyond grateful and thrilled to say that I’m a member of the Virginia Board for People with Disabilities Partners in Policymaking. I'm hoping to spread Cerebral Palsy awareness and to provide a beacon of light for all disabled people, starting up this fall 2019. I’ve started an Official Newsletter of the author Amanda Fino; CPGal Reader Nest, that comes out on the 4th of each month, with book news, a Badge of Courage small article saluting Cerebral Palsy and other disability warriors.
I’m finishing up writing my newest book telling her inner depth of emotion being a woman that has CP with a unique outlook on life. Cerebral Palsy Gal has been a work in progress; I haven't found the exact words until now. It shall be coming out this year, with Deepest Elements a Novelette, that people are saying "It's worth your time." My family encourages me to go to conventions and dinners with other professionals and well-connected people. I hope to spread Cerebral Palsy awareness and to provide a beacon of light for all disabled people. I'm wholly dedicated to making life better through proper advocacy, living environments, and medical research. Right now, I feel like there needs to be a book on adult matters of a full flesh woman that has Cerebral Palsy — expressing my deep inner emotions within myself. Having a unique person outlook on life, I am admitting that I made a lot of horrible mistakes on my behalf, and I own up to ALL of them. In hopes for other young women that has Cerebral Palsy not to make the same mistake as I did.