Still Sexy While Raising Boys with Special Needs

So, I am doing this post because there is a misunderstanding somewhere out here. We have associated struggle and lack of self-care with motherhood. We are not supposed to stop our self-care to please anyone else. Motherhood means the total opposite. The more you water your branches the better the fruit that's given to those who eat from you!

(Now that my ministering is done lmao) Motherhood is the highest honor a woman can have while on this earth. To give the gift of life, nurture, build, grow, etc. THAT'S MAJOR. Have any of you really sat and thought about this ability you were NATURALLY gifted. We are some BEAUTIFUL creatures, that's why we are DESERVING of coming before ANYONE. We can not give the best of who we are lacking in love and confidence for ourselves. When we feel good internally and externally our children reap the benefits of living their best lives because they have their mom (their lifeline) at her best.

We subconsciously implement past trauma into the rearing of our children. We unknowingly place those toxic teachings on to them while we slowly morph into the very things we said we would never be to our children.

Once you acknowledge that you are keeping up with an unhealthy cycle. Once I understood that where I was, was not cute at all, I decided to change. I remember saying to myself, "I wanna change and I don't know what the fuck this will look like, but I know it can be better than this shit I am in". My parents taught me how to be miserable and volatile.

I FULLY understand why things are this way, however I want you all reading this to know that, no matter what is going on, you are worth time, effort and love. You deserve to look good, feel good, etc. You DESERVE to be all things intended by GOD's standards. Mother's are SUPPOSED to be cherished, loved, spoiled. You SHOULD shop, and eat out if you desire. You SHOULD place your spouse and children 2nd so that your roots can be watered. When you take time to water your roots, your fruit is much tastier, juicier, and you're more resourceful.

We are the EARTH without us this shit wouldn't be. So be HONORED to have this type of power. NOW, with AALLLLLL this good shit being said, let us discuss getting your sexy back.

Being sexy is not based on how you're dressed, it's based on how you feel. How you carry yourself, the confidence you have within yourself. That's sexy. The clothes match the personality and that's easy once you figure out who you are.

Now, take me for instance, I took my growth for the sake of my children's lives seriously. Once I started to feel good internally it automatically started to show externally. II stand different, speak differently, hell I even THINK different.

Put on WHATEVER you desire without a second thought. We care too much about other's opinions of who we are, what we are, how we are, etc. That's why you're miserable walking around convincing yourself that you're not. The simple fix to half of your issues is fixing your internal being. Sexy is a state of mind, it's a feeling you have about yourself no matter what anyone says about it.

NOW GO BE GREAT!!!

 

Ase'

 

Inclusion Fashion Show in Honor of Jaylen Evans!

There are many thoughts I have about the Inclusion Fashion Show that took place on October 19th, 2019 in Columbia, South Carolina.  This was our 1st show collectively as a team in Columbia. Marissa (COO of the South Carolina Chapter) had her 1st show with a team. We came from Atlanta and New York to make this show happen for Jaylen.

We have 3 shows that take place each year beginning in 2020! Atlanta, Columbia, and New York. (New York has been added to the roster for 2020)

This show in South Carolina was the perfect way to end the events hosted by Our Children's Story, Inc. Marissa had a desire to give the community something they can be proud of. With Jaylen in her vision, she decided to join Our Children's Story, Inc. and run a chapter in Columbia, South Carolina.

This past show brought 3 cities together and showed what inclusion looks like. Why it's important and how it can be achieved. With Phillip, Cairo and myself at her side, we helped her conquer the fear quitting when your back is against the wall.

The show, even with hiccups, pressed forwarded and turned out to be everything and more. Families left empowered and people left inspired.

The runway featured designers #DONTSTARE, B&D Creations, Crotchet by My'zja and Ja'Dore Consignments.

The event was hosted by yours truly (lmao) with help from my friends Phillip & Cairo (Lifestyle Twins)

We had a plethora of Sponsors that came through and delivered their services so that the families can have something to experience without pressure.

One family mentioned that their son, who has Autism, was able to have his face-painted for the 1st time. Children were excited to see the characters (Boss Baby and Minon) and moms were unexpectedly pulled to participate with their children in the show.

We laughed and cried. Shared heartfelt stories and experienced our idea of inclusion at its best.

The event was more than we could've expected it to be considering the hiccups we experienced.

This was the perfect example of how GOD won't take what's meant away from someone who deserves!!

Ase'

3rd Annual Purple & Green Gala – Atlanta Event

Sept. 28th, 2019 was the 3rd Annual Purple and Green Gala Fundraiser and Award Ceremony! I  can't believe we made it to number 3. I was overwhelmed with tears that day. Looking back on how far I've come with my organization Our Children's Story, Inc.

I remember this being just a thought without a name, no identity. Now, here I am 3 Gala's in and the growth has been unimaginable in ways I can't even begin to explain. This path has affected me (in a very positive way) mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. I am still growing, however, I am definitely pleased with how far I have come.

There were some behind the scenes hiccups that almost made me quit, however, I kept pushing and trusting that all that was meant will flourish without me getting in the way of the universe.

The event pressed on, even with the hiccup! We started the event by introducing the newest member and program director with Our Children's Story, Inc. Idalia LaPointe. Her program D.A.D (Dignify A Diva) assists women and young girls who are emerging from traumatic situations. She gifts the toiletries and resources to those in need.

Libra, then led a game called "Name that Tune" in which she enlisted guests to guess what song she was singing in exchange for a prize. As the evening continued Saniya Raks, Ameera Johari and Basimah Baila blessed us with solo belly dance numbers representing the different styles of belly dancing in each number that took place.

Cairo Williams International Model and Coach, as well as CEO of Clock and Flow, led Tameche Brown and Maria Crayton (members of the Our Children's Story, Inc. Team) in a posing lesson followed by a model strut that included guests who were in attendance.

After all the fun, the ceremony starts. The stories, tears, and love that were exchanged during the event were unmatched. I knew I wanted a safe place for people to feel the love which would lead to them feeling safe with sharing the chapters of their lives as well as hearing others share their lives.

The honorees were as followed:

Dr. Najma Hunter

Saundra Lisic

Rhonda White

Calvin and Anthony Smith

Deloris Cotton - Smith

Justin Vantreese

Jerhonda Pace

Eboni Cobin

My favorite moment was how everyone got the message. How everyone that came left with what I wanted them to leave with which was insight.

I always knew going into building this legacy and empire it wouldn't be easy, however, I am not one to easily scare. With each challenge comes growth and with growth comes a foundation that will never be shaken. I know there will be more mistakes and lessons to learn, yet I am ready for it all.

I am determined to build a lasting legacy for my family.

Salute to you all

Ase'

Feet

My feet are big and wide. They carry a load that's unimaginable at times. A load that's often minimized by others and praised by most. My feet have callous on the heels and ball. An obvious sign of the walk-in life that's taken daily unassisted at times. These feet help me carry 2 additional humans who are smaller than me and fully need me.

These feet have been forced to travel some paths just to make ends meet, just to eat. These feet though pretty when done, have lots of wise tales to share with those who are in the trenches.

These feet have stood alone, alone during times when I should've been held close by family, however, those that I needed couldn't stand like my feet, they weren't built for this road. A road of fighting for the life of a child that didn't ask for these complications yet received them. Their feet can't carry what the universe didn't assign them too. So I had to forgive so my feet could keep walking towards peace.

These big ole feet have stood in heels, flats, sneakers, and sandals with straps. These feet have carried trauma, denial, stress, anxiety, depression, and hesitation. Loneliness, inadequacy, hurt, suffering, pain (shit I could go on and on lmao).

Now my feet carry, love, wisdom, experience, stability, and motivation. Adequacy, confidence, fearless, honesty (need I say more). These feet have led me to other's who share the same path or looking for clarity on their path.

These feet have walked away from those who mean no good whether unintentional or intentional. These feet have walked in some alleys and along beaches and have faced both life and death (literal and Figuratively). Though heavy more often not, I wouldn't change the path these feet walk!

 

Ase'

 

When Making A Change Gets Tough!

When I started the journey to getting my shit together, I didn't understand how FUCKING HARD this would be. There were many things leading to this, many embarrassing moments and moments of let down that would force me to stand tall on my own.

This journey was more than weight loss, it was a full transformation of who I was as a mother and woman. I was such a hot ass mess that I was corrupting not only myself, my oldest son Anthony!

I was struggling mentally and physically. I wasn't able to care for him as much as he needed because of my weight. I was fatigued and depressed which kept me from doing anything more than what was required to keep him alive. I spent my days arguing with others about my shit. Wanting others to get on board and change so that I wouldn't be alone in changing, however, that didn't work.

It was a very lonely path to take, yet I had no choice but to walk it in order to get to the other side of misery. Life couldn't be any worse than what I had already gone through and was currently going through. Life was really fucked up.

What made me move forward on my journey was the day I sat at my dining room table and broke 2 chairs at 2 different times. In conjunction with my inability to do more than what was required for Anthony Jr.

I lost a lot, however, I gained a lot! When I started this journey I wasn't sure what I needed to do. Everyone around was just as fucked up like me, there was no way they could help me get out of this place. I really had to figure this shit out.

The 1st thing I did was the lap band procedure to lose weight. That was a fail. I went a couple of years after and had the VSG and only lost a little weight. After 2 failed procedures I felt defeated, I felt that maybe I was meant to be a big girl. I wasn't meant to be thin and curvy like some of the women in my family.

After being in this funk for a while, I decided to try again. I made a conscious effort to get the weight off. I started to slowly eliminate things that were holding my bondage so I could elevate. That meant letting go of things and people that were just as toxic with no interest in getting themselves together. I lost family and so-called friends and at 1st it was hurtful because I did wonder if something was wrong with me. I wondered if I was just too much like everyone was saying.

After I started leveling up, I started to see a lot of fucked up shit I was doing and I had to go make wrongs right so I could move forward with a clear conscious. I knew once I started cleaning up my mess that I allowed to fester and cause (dis)Ease within myself, I started to notices small blessings happening. The more I started to see the small blessings the more eager I was to heal and allow myself to be vulnerable to life. I started letting go, worrying less, and accepting more.

There is a new level of life that I see so clearly, Anthony Jr. is getting the best of his mother, I am feeling more like myself and not a programmed version of myself. I have been able to regain my relationship with my mother and father. My youngest son Lyric is living his best life because I am at my best.

I couldn't imagine going back to the woman I was prior to this growth. I look at old pictures and applaud myself for rising above my circumstances so that my children could have something more than what I was offering. I knew I had lots of potentials I just didn't know how to execute.

Once I removed fear my abilities became endless and my desires became greater.

From 265lbs to 155lbs!!!! If I can conquer ANYONE can... Go be great!

I Am Tired!

Parenthood, in general, can be tiresome, being a parent to a child with (dis)Abilities is extremely tiresome. Our world literally can be rocked in a matter of moments.

My experience with this lifestyle has been very interesting. I have no family besides my children's father and my parents. I have no true support outside of the nursing hours I receive from the Medicaid system.

It saddens me that most including myself do not have a family we can lean on. A family that will support you and uplifts you. A family that will give you a break so you can enjoy life a little. None of my family has come to my aid. None have come to sit in the hospital with me, to relieve me so I can breathe or even just nap.

When I say I am tired I really mean that shit. I am tired of making calls, questioning things, handling things, being told what things will and won't happen. Why Anthony isn't good enough or not in need of certain interventions. It's just overwhelming at times. Not having access to quality care and services makes me tired.

Per society standards, I am a black female with black sons who are viewed as threats to this country I currently reside in. I have to explain to my youngest how his skin color, gender, and diagnosis are all strikes and how to stay safe while teaching him how to care for his big brother.

I've been told before (in my house) by a family member that she was the mother of all mothers. I've been told that my journey has only been for a short amount of time so I don't understand motherhood fully yet. I was also made to feel that I was the one that causes the breakdown.

I AM FUCKING TIRED of working hard to give my son the best life possible even with roadblocks. My family has dishonored me and my children in many ways. I am the black sheep and it's ok. I understand that everyone isn't for me nor needs to be associated with me and my children.

It has taken me a very long time to understand that none of this is my fault. None of what others think and feel of me is important. I have a choice!

Being tired means allowing others into your space and allowing their negative vibe to drain you! We tend to accept these behaviors because of our lack of confidence to say how we really feel and set boundaries with our family. We believe that because they are family we have to accept whatever is given.

You do not have to accept less than your worth and it's ok to tell your family to kick rocks if they treat you less than your worth.  It's too often that we subject ourselves to things for the sake of family.

Family is only the blueprint into how the world will treat you!

I am TRIED and that's ok! I have learned to be ok with other's not desiring to take this ride with me. After all, it's a pretty bumpy ride filled with lots of uncertainty and emotional challenges.

 

 

 

Let it fall apart to rebuild in its likeness!

 

A few days ago I sat in my room and cried, I couldn't help but come to a final realization that everything I expect from people will never be. Having others fully understand you and your thoughts will never be an option, especially from those who you expect it from.

Growth is a VERY HARD job once you accept the challenge! I've been struggling with finding out why the cards that were dealt with me were so. Why didn't the cycle stop before me OR was it suppose to be me to stop the cycle?

As usual, I asked my mother a question that would trigger an uncomfortable place within her that would cause her to lash out at me with anger. At that moment I felt that she was struggling with accepting the choices that she made with her life. It was that moment when she dodged the question and met me with a wave of anger and an answer that I did take personal for a moment.

As the heated and intense discussion between us continued, I could see her struggling with herself and using the outlet of me asking the question that triggered this much-needed breakdown. It was needed for both myself and my mother.

Prior to the conversation taking place, I was sitting in my room on my bed. As I was sitting there working, my left arm got cold and the hair on my arm began to raise up. I then felt a gentle touch met by a slight gentle breeze that let me know the feelings of my grandmother (my mother's mom) being present was true. That's when I went to the kitchen where my mother was and that's where this entire breakdown YET much needed moment that brought so much clarity.

A conversation that was met and given hostile unkind reactions, turned into a moment of so much clarity on both ends. I felt my mother FINALLY heard me and I FINALLY understood my mother and her actions to many things that took place in the past. It clicked, how I needed my mother to show up in ways no one showed up for her. She didn't know how to stand for me against our family. LET ME BE CLEAR, my mother would stand against anyone and any entity as long as it wasn't family she had to do it against.

This conversation helped me understand that what I was asking my mother to do was impossible because no one did it for her, no one was there for her the way she needed. She didn't understand what being there looked like. So naturally, I traveled the same insanely painful path she did. Mimicking behaviors, similarities in experiences both good and bad.

The breakthrough came once we both understood the experiences. A clearer understanding was formed and barriers that were once there were taken down. She gained a better understanding of who I was and am as well as on the way to being. Her struggles which bred an unstable and unbalanced human created the individual that fights for her children today. When I look back at the struggles, I fully understand that those struggles that I held against her were what I needed to stand tall for my children.

As I change how I view my struggles I now embrace and thank GOD for them. How would I be able to stand as tall as I do (and I am still growing) for my children if I hadn't gone through those struggles? There would be no way! Every battle that came my way built me to stand for my boys. Yes it was packaged differently and yes it wasn't idealistic, HOWEVER, GOD knew who was needed to breed one hell of a warrior to care for his prized possessions.

Now that I've gone through the storm with my mother, I feel I elevated that much more. I have a better understanding of things and she even called me to the carpet on a few things. From this complete breakdown, I feel we gain so much we didn't have for so long in a matter of hours.

This is the power of the Universe if you are open to the possibilities of what it can bring. If you aren't resisting you can find the peace and the joy you seek.

All Things Do Not Deserve a Conversation!

When we have communication challenges, it's only because no one wants to fold and be the one to give in. We strive to be right instead of peaceful! We fight for the position instead of connection for elevation.

We are so uncontrolled mentally we don't know what honesty vs (in urban terms) Shade is. We mistake honesty (what we all ask for) as shade. We only want cheerleaders, we very seldom want to hear the toxic behaviors we exude, told to us in a factual way. We are accustomed to hearing things that make us feel good and feel like we were right when in all actuality, deep down we know we were out of order.

We've been conditioned to believe that titles and being right is the appropriate way to handle ALL situations. Yelling and screaming get you ignored and only raise the aggression in the situation. No one gets heard and now both of you are in a pissing match to establish Heirchie. And NOW, you've spent an entire day which will now control the remainder of your week fighting an unnecessary battle.

If we can learn to remove EGO and understand that everyone will experience situations completely different. Removing EGO will help you see clearly and spare some headache, heartache, and frustration! We get so easily pushed instead of having control over your emotions. When we feel, we feel without discretion. We allow anger to cause us to verbally and or physically assault others and the insane part is, WE BELIEVE THAT THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR IS JUSTIFIABLE.....

This is why your body holds on to tension and fat cells when your spirit is out of alignment, you are unable to accomplish the goal of weight loss. Your cravings increase, your desire for certain foods increases and from there not only did you give yourself high blood pressure from the yelling and screaming, but you've also added dumb shit to your diet to increase health risks.

Take time to think things through and restrain from being abusive. When you don't understand, stop and just ask, you will be surprised at what can happen when you stick to the facts and remove EGO.