I just met a little boy while at work, who is 3 years of age and has Cerebral Palsy. He was crying. And the cry reminded me so much of my son D’Jonte when he used to cry at that age. It was a non-stop type of cry, and me rocking him with my knee or taking him to sit outside would always calm him down. Seeing that little boy and when his momma picked him up made me miss my son that much more. Before my son became so big I would carry him everywhere, man I wish I could just pick him up and hug on him right now.
I was touched so much by the little boy and his mother that I couldn’t stay around them any longer, I had to walk away.
I went back downstairs to where the children I was taking care of and I started to cry. Not a little tear but honey hardcore tears streaming down both cheeks, eyes hurting afterward crying. Not knowing why I was crying, I began to realize that I am so full of hurt, what ifs, regret, and guilt. I wanted to scream. I thought about texting or calling my husband or mother, but I am still shy or uncomfortable when expressing my feelings regarding my son and I knew that would only make me cry harder. So instead I pulled out my laptop and started typing away.
I love my son with all that is in me and I made sure he knew he was loved! But because I lacked the support and resources, therefore I wasn’t equipped with everything I needed to care for him medically.
I started a non-profit Their Voice of Greater Cincinnati last year and it wasn’t by my doing, it was all God. But it is my way of being able to equip those who also lack the resources to make sure that they are able to care for their loved ones at home and just in general. I want to make sure that they don’t lack the mental, physical or emotional support that is needed to care for your loved one with Cerebral Palsy or disability in general. I want them to have a place where they know that they are loved and that someone else gets it and understand what they are going through.
But knowing that this is my purpose it still brings me to my question of Why Me?
Working as a full-time nurse who takes care of kids who have disabilities is hard in general. Having this non-profit I have realized that I will be meeting a lot of families with kids just like my Tae and how am I going to be able to deal with it? Am I going to cry every time I meet a kid who reminds me of Tae? Why did God choose this as my life’s purpose? Am I really strong enough for what is about to come? He must have thought I could handle this or I don’t think he would have me doing this and he definitely wouldn’t have blessed me with my son. So all I can say after crying a river of tears is, I am ready Lord and I trust you.
These tears are what make me. Every time I shed a tear I feel that much more determined to help others. My son gave me my testimony and although at times I feel like I failed him, I promise I will not fail him again!
Please go to my website to learn more about Their Voice and if your heart leads you to, please donate to the cause, no donation is too small. It is greatly appreciated.