Parenthood, in general, can be tiresome, being a parent to a child with (dis)Abilities is extremely tiresome. Our world literally can be rocked in a matter of moments.
My experience with this lifestyle has been very interesting. I have no family besides my children's father and my parents. I have no true support outside of the nursing hours I receive from the Medicaid system.
It saddens me that most including myself do not have a family we can lean on. A family that will support you and uplifts you. A family that will give you a break so you can enjoy life a little. None of my family has come to my aid. None have come to sit in the hospital with me, to relieve me so I can breathe or even just nap.
When I say I am tired I really mean that shit. I am tired of making calls, questioning things, handling things, being told what things will and won't happen. Why Anthony isn't good enough or not in need of certain interventions. It's just overwhelming at times. Not having access to quality care and services makes me tired.
Per society standards, I am a black female with black sons who are viewed as threats to this country I currently reside in. I have to explain to my youngest how his skin color, gender, and diagnosis are all strikes and how to stay safe while teaching him how to care for his big brother.
I've been told before (in my house) by a family member that she was the mother of all mothers. I've been told that my journey has only been for a short amount of time so I don't understand motherhood fully yet. I was also made to feel that I was the one that causes the breakdown.
I AM FUCKING TIRED of working hard to give my son the best life possible even with roadblocks. My family has dishonored me and my children in many ways. I am the black sheep and it's ok. I understand that everyone isn't for me nor needs to be associated with me and my children.
It has taken me a very long time to understand that none of this is my fault. None of what others think and feel of me is important. I have a choice!
Being tired means allowing others into your space and allowing their negative vibe to drain you! We tend to accept these behaviors because of our lack of confidence to say how we really feel and set boundaries with our family. We believe that because they are family we have to accept whatever is given.
You do not have to accept less than your worth and it's ok to tell your family to kick rocks if they treat you less than your worth. It's too often that we subject ourselves to things for the sake of family.
Family is only the blueprint into how the world will treat you!
I am TRIED and that's ok! I have learned to be ok with other's not desiring to take this ride with me. After all, it's a pretty bumpy ride filled with lots of uncertainty and emotional challenges.