Timeless Ending

On July 20, 2013, it was an extraordinary day because I published my debut book, Omerta Affair. A romance set in the violent underworld of the Las Vegas Mafia. Remembering that day, I was jumping with overjoy, tears of joy. It was a super fabulous, wonderful feeling, "I really did, I'm a published indie author." Fast forward six years later, it's time for me celebrating my book once more as it releases under a new title. Omerta: Timeless Endings from Lavender Press An imprint of Blue Fortune Enterprises, LLC on August 27, 2019

It's all began on my 22 birthday. I went to the newly open Mob Museum in Las Vegas Nevada. To my shock, Frank Cuttolla was there signing his book. I met him and told him that I want to be a Mafia-Romance, and he said to me that if I need help, just let him know. I said okay thinking he has better things to do than helping me a young CP girl at the time. I found him on Facebook weeks later, and we began to talk, he always inviting me to this and that. I base my first book "Omerta Affair" off on Tony Spilotro's reign as The Las Vegas Mafia boss, in the 1970s. He had it all, running the Crime underworld. He could have any woman he wanted in Las Vegas. Instead, he became romantically Geri Rosenthal. At first, it was a Casino's FanFic to the 1995 move, that I was witting and putting online for free. My family and friend told me it was way too good to be a FanFic. After I finished my book, Frank hooked me up with some people and that how my book came to be. Now he's Uncle Frank to me.

Since then, I have continued to gravitate toward writing dark, mature romances, some suitable only for adults. It is frustrating to me that some authors don't take me seriously because of that I have Cerebral Palsy. I write dark romance, and my Cerebral Palsy had nothing with it. Even if I didn't have Cerebral Palsy, I would still write Dark Romance books.  On November 17, 2018, after years of writer's block and personal problems, I finally came out with the Deepest Element, which is a short story under my formal pen name Alexandra Forry. Now I'm rewriting Deepest Elements to be a full-flash novel tiled Blue Bell my goal for it to come out late 2020.

Blue Bell set at a very elite boarding school that has darkened within its wall. Arriving in Radcliffe Heights, Rhode Island, freshman Peony "Poppy" Warwick admired the picturesque small town. But deep in the shadows of the woods near Blue Bell Boarding School, and along its hallowed halls, lurked illicit sex, murder, and harrowing danger. Seduced by Damon Dashwood, the handsome, blue-eyed, white blonde 41-year-old Headmaster, Poppy enters a world of love, ecstasy, heartbreak, betrayal, and death.

How Did I get my idea for Blue Bell? In 2005 I was living in Pahrump, Nevada, that's world-famous for its whorehouse of ill representatives. When breaking news hit our town's newspaper, and then it went on to become a remarkable news story on cbsnews.com.

The story went like this. This guy went and told detectives he found the videotape of a young of 4 or 5 years of age girl who had sexually assaulted in this homemade videotape. Investigators don't think this guy made the tape.

Being homeschooled with nothing to do, I followed this story until I read this five years later; "We found the victim. She's safe," Nye County sheriff's Detective told The Associated Press. I was fifteen at the time. I had made up this story idea.

About a girl in a boarding school that is determined to expose her school's evil headmaster. After she had discovered a prostitution ring, sex trafficking, and murder within the school's walls and on its grounds, even though human trafficking is a foul, very dark subject, the morale of this book is "fight for what you believe in, for what's right" and "never give up." I never wrote it down until December of 2017.

"It is an interesting story that is generally well told. The basic premise is sound, and it has the potential to be a well-received psychological thriller. The two main (Poppy and Dashwood) are well constructed and carry the story well. The plot and storyline are clear. The reader can see from the mission that Poppy is on; Exposing the criminality of her headmaster Dashwood and the school in the sex scandal that had been going on for years." A review of DEEPEST ELEMENTS.

I never did plan of having my two main characters, Poppy and Dashwood, falling in love with each other. I like to point out that, It a time of great confusion for girls as they start to get sexual desires. There is an element of excitement and danger with an older man with power. Poppy knew that Dashwood is a criminal, and their relationship is illegal. LOVE is stronger than HATE, that why I shall make it she want him in jail party because oddly she would have him all to herself. It's love everlasting.

Letting Go!

Letting go is not an easy thing to do especially when you lack the understanding of how to let go.

We spend an incredible amount of time minding other folks business. We place ourselves in lanes that don't even belong to us. This is why we have an influx of overeating, depression, and anxiety. We have a society that's built on stress and unnatural habits which is why we experience so much pain.

(I know this oh too well)   Living in an unnatural state means you are compromising your well-being for the well-being of someone else. This is why we aren't sure how to navigate life in a healthy manner. We have become very accustomed to a dysfunctional way of life.

We are more focused on EGO rather than love and life. We speak of GOD yet, we dishonor him/her each and every day. The way we treat our health and other's is a reflection of how we truly feel about ourselves. We justify being overweight and even though we should celebrate the skin we are in, we should do it in the most healthy fashion possible.

When I weight 265lbs I was in a miserable state. Even though I was bubbly on the outside, the inside was dead. I was a walking hot garbage mess. I was unhealthy, overweight, borderline diabetic and fatigued. I had nothing productive going on and I felt inadequate and unworthy. (What can I say, I learned how to be miserable from my family)

Growing up in a dysfunctional mess really took a serious toll on my spirit and self-worth. I was busy waiting for the approval of my parents when really I never need their approval. I only need mine. I only needed to validate myself and believe it.

Once I made the choice to do something different so my life would go in a different direction, things starting getting worse. I was falling apart by the seams, HOWEVER, little did I know, GOD was rearranging my life as I requested. Those who meant no good were being removed, my confidence started increasing and the more aware I became about who I was as an individual the more I felt empowered to do better to not only save my life but the lives of my children.

All you gotta do is make the choice and put forth the action. Once you start allowing yourself to let go and just float with the process, life becomes that much brighter.

Salute!

Comfort Food

As I sit here digesting that my hot water tank has gone out and the home warranty company refuses to replace it, I can't help but laugh. YES LAUGH!!! (well, and facepalm) Before this moment, I would've been stressed, ready to blow a gasket and eat myself to a glutton. I would be in full blown tears ready to indulge in something tasty.

Do ya'll know how long it took me to get to this point!!!??? (I mean that both literally and figuratively...lolol) This was not an easy road to conquer. It was and still is one of the hardest things I have ever had to address constantly.

 

I grew up in a home where eating unhealthy was the norm. My dad would pick me up from school and before we get on the path to go home, he would stop at the gas station and buy a chocolate cupcake for me. He would then take the long route home that consisted of a hilly road that made me feel like I was on a rollercoaster (great times)! My mom would cook unhealthy foods that were budget friendly and stretched.

Imagine growing up in a house were everyone ate horrible, so my fate was inevitable. That's all I knew and what I learned. By the time I was 18yrs old I was 180lbs. NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, HOWEVER, during those times, 180lbs was not considered thick, it was considered fat.

When you grow up in a home filled with sadness and toxicity, you adapt the same way your lifelines adapt, in my case, eating was what I used to cope.

My parents argued all the time. When they did, I would be dragged into the middle of it. My mother would make me pack my things and we would leave and go stay somewhere else. My dad would call and bribe me to tell him where we were in exchange for money. It would leave me to feel I had to play one against the other all the time just to gain peace.

Food was instant gratification for me. Any time I felt inadequate I would eat, the food had to be good and soothing. After all, I wasn't feeling so great about who I was. Constantly dealing with mommy and daddy issues didn't make the shit any better. I was carrying a weight that didn't belong to me.

Once I started to understand the ideology of why my parents moved as they do and TRULY forgive them, I was able to morph. I was able to start the true work of getting to a better place mentally, physically and spiritually!

The 1st step is understanding the root. Once you discover what that is, then the work can truly begin.

 

A Family Affair

Being a parent to any child is hard but being a parent to a child with special needs is sometimes harder. Especially when you have more than one child and the other children don’t require as much attention as the child with special needs.

The only time I have trouble trying to balance out time is when my son is admitted into the hospital. That's when I feel my worst. It makes me feel as though I’m a bad parent because they all need me. Even though I feel my worst, my girls understand that their brother requires a little more attention because of his (dis)Abilities.

When Jaylen is feeling his best we are always busy doing things that our entire family can enjoy together. Our girls love including their brother in any and everything even when we're just doing things at home. We do make time for the other children to do typical activities without modifications so that they can feel their lives don't always have to be altered because of their brother, Jaylen.

We love to go to amusement parks for the rollercoasters. Jaylen love rides and doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything. Our girls also enjoy rides to so it’s always a win-win situation.

Our family, in a nutshell, enjoys being around each other and doing things that everyone can do.

Fitness Struggles

The tough part of about going to the gym is being there with those folks who are physically fit; prancing around like life is perfect, MEANWHILE (insert dramatics lol), you're barely fitting into your workout clothes and you feel like complete shit. ( I just described myself )

THEN (insert more dramatics lol) you're not sure of what to do and you feel a bit intimidated watching everyone else run, lift, etc. It can TOTALLY be a bit much on the psyche.

The part we don't understand is, that cuteness is to sell the membership. It's designed that way, HOWEVER, you don't have to work out at a gym to get fit! You can start slow at home until you build enough confidence to work out in a gym setting.  Who knows, you may find enjoyment working out from home or in the outdoor elements.

 

It's important that you start slow in your journey.  Especially if you've never worked out before. Eliminate and add sometimes difference each week. Reduce the number of sweets until you no longer desire to have them on a daily basis.  Remove carbs slowly so you decrease the desire to want them every day.

You do not have to mimic those at the starting line.  Find someone you desire to model after, find out what they did and do just that with no negotiations. Enjoy the slow steady gains which will motivate you to stay consistent.

 

I do admit there are days when I give in to the temptations, HOWEVER, it isn't all the time and there are times when I float by the cravings because I don't need them. Then there are times when I just say FUCK IT, let me eat something good and extra horrible for me. LOLOL

The point is, you have to find what works for you and run with that. You can't do what everyone else is doing, what everyone is doing isn't always meant for you. Find that fitness model that tickles your fancy and find out how they achieved their goal.

That's all I did. I am not aiming to be a super fit chick that can compete in races n shit... I just want to be healthy, sexy and energetic. That's it, and I did just that.

Salute to you all for making the strides to live a healthier lifestyle for the sake of not only you but your children.

Junk Food is LIFE

As we know, weight loss is the HARDEST thing you can ever do in life. I mean to give up EVERYTHING you love to eat is insane, right?  I mean those sweets, good southern food, Caribbean food, Mexican food, Chinese food, etc. WAIT, I CAN NOT LEAVE OUT KRISPY KRACK KREME DONUTS. MERCY OF THE LORD SAVORY!! THEM GOTDAMN DONUTS.  (yes, it was that serious for me lolol)

So, let me ask this because I know a lot of you felt the fuck out of that shit I just said at the beginning. If this food only makes you feel good for the moment you're eating, don't you realize you have to keep eating in order to fulfill that instant gratification of happiness? Don't you see that the way you are choosing to be happy is killing you?

As much as we like to say how confident we are as plus size women (yes I was this girl) we have to admit that it's a health hazard. No matter how confident you are, being overweight is a health hazard.

The number one question I get when I post before and after pics on social media is, "How did you do it"? I struggle with answering this question. Here's why people want me to say what I did as far as food and exercise'; no one wants to know how I needed to get to the root cause of why I was eating and then put forth the action of losing weight. NO ONE WANTS THAT PART.

After addressing the root cause, I was able to drop the pounds via diet and exercise. It was really that simple. Doing the work to get to a place of losing weight. The action of figuring out why was the hardest than doing the act of weight loss.

Being a mom of 2 boys with special needs, I knew I needed to be my best so they can thrive. In order for them to thrive, I have to thrive.

 

Eating Habits

While losing weight finding new ways to eat can be a challenge.  What I have found is staying away from "fad" diets works best for me. I started taking the pressure from myself by not putting pressure on scheduled meals etc.  I just make sure I keep options in my house so that I am forced to eat right no matter what I grab.

What I have also found is, keeping snacks such as cashews and protein bars helps me take the hunger away if I forget to eat so that I will not resort back to old habits.

Now, let me be honest, I have moments when I treat myself to some great unhealthy shit. I am not going to sit here and tell you all that I don't indulge. I INDULGE!!!! LOLOL!! I just make sure that after I allow myself a day of indulging, the next day I do not use that as an excuse to not get back on track.

I found that taking the pressure from the expectations of "fad" diets helps me do better. I know what I should eat, so I fill my fridge with those things so that no matter what I am choosing something healthy.

Do what works for you and what you are wanting to accomplish for your health. Everyone's goals and reasons will be different. Make sure you find what works for you and make it happen.

For me releasing the pressure, filling my home with healthy options and keeping snacks in my purse is what works best for me.

As Told by Tylia: When people ask you what happen to you

When I was growing up I faced a lot of curiosity regarding my disability and I would get asked several different questions by young girls my age one of them that I would get all the time is what happened to you ?.

As a child, I didn’t really know how to answer that question I would usually look at children confused like what happen to me I was just born this way and that’s the answer I would always give them

Then the questions would happen were you born in your wheelchair Do you sleep in your wheelchair? I used to get so emotional whenever these questions were asked of me as a child all the way up until I was in the fifth grade and I just got used to it .

But what I learned is to just explain my Cerebral Palsy to the best of my ability and hope they would understand my situation but my thing is explaining disabilities to children shouldn’t be as hard as people have given the tools now in days to do so.

As they are TV Shows like ABC’S sitcom Speechless to bring awareness but we don’t have enough children based shows that talk about disability awareness .

as a whole series and not just one episode talking about that one character that has a disability in a one hour show maybe kids would know how to answer that question What Happen to you that way when people ask that question it wouldn’t make you feel as if you were not human I know for me whenever somebody asked that question as a kid it would make Me feel like I was an alien from another planet so and My personal opinion it is important that we educate our children of the future and our community to understand ways to approach children with disabilities ways to approach children with the disability when they’re curious about it because words can hurt